United in Courage: Sonic

United in Courage is a series of interviews conducted primarily in April 2023 by the Feminists of Kyiv team, featuring members of feminist and LGBTQ+ communities currently serving in the Armed Forces of Ukraine. 

We invited the participants of the series to tell us about their lives before the full-scale russian invasion and what motivated them to join the army. We also discussed the different experiences and challenges they face in the Armed Forces, as well as the sources of support that sustain their resilience in the ongoing war.

We hope that this series of interviews will mark the beginning of an anthology in which Feminists of Kyiv media will amplify the voices of women and queer people who are defending Ukraine. You can support us in this effort.

Interviewer, editor, translator: Bozhena Makovska
Visual artist: 
Michael Tulsky

My call sign is Sonic. I am a 22 years old cis heterosexual woman and intersectional feminist. Before the full-scale invasion, I was involved in feminist and vegan activism. I conducted lectures in schools for girls on topics such as personal boundaries, security, and feminism. Additionally, I organised feminist film screenings and participated in protests. I also contributed to cooking vegan meals for those in need and initiated food distributions in my hometown in the East of Ukraine.

I wouldn’t say that these were big and impressive projects, although I wanted to develop in this direction. I was considering working in public service, contributing to the creation of shelters in Ukraine, or potentially becoming a local council member. I used to hitchhike a lot. I visited youth centres and discussed their approaches of combating gender-based violence and providing assistance to vulnerable groups, including homeless people. I dreamed of gaining as much expertise as possible and implementing it all at the local level, because for me, the development of the East and South is an idée fixe. I was also planning to join the army anyway.

In 2020, I enrolled in the military training department in Rivne, studying to become a mechanised platoon commander. I had thought that if I graduated from the military faculty and obtained an officer’s rank, I would go to the Joint Forces Operation, where I would be fighting in Donbas and reclaiming my home.

In 2021, I already attempted to join the army. I went to the military recruitment office and said that I couldn’t live like this anymore while someone else was fighting for our independence. This realisation had been growing within me since 2014; it seemed pointless to study while the country was at war. However, at that time, I was advised to wait, complete my military education, and make it easier for me, as a woman, to be truly involved in the war. I agreed, but with the beginning of the full-scale war, waiting became unbearable.

I joined the ranks of the Armed Forces of Ukraine in March 2022, almost a month after the start of the large-scale russian offensive, because no one wanted to take me anywhere. At that time, I was a final-year cadet at the military department and a student at Ostroh Academy, majoring in political science. I was able to complete both my studies remotely, thanks to a secondment from my military unit.

Since I was mobilised on the 23rd of March and graduated in July, I now have only a certificate of completion of the military faculty, but no rank. If I had been mobilised in the autumn, I would be a junior lieutenant now. However, at the time of mobilisation, I did not think about whether I would complete my education. It was important for me to stand up for the defence of my country.

People who studied at the military department are commonly called ‘blazers’ in the army. The majority of them lack battle experience and cannot always be effective combat commanders. Possessing an officer’s ID card wouldn’t have saved me from discrimination. Female officers are typically not appointed to roles directly involved in combat operations. Usually, they work in headquarters, in positions demanding minimal responsibility and logic, and even at the company level, they handle document-related tasks.

Any position in the Ukrainian army is inherently difficult. The crucial factor is that a person has the necessary competencies and the willingness to work in such conditions. When a battalion advances to the front, the headquarters is situated a certain number of kilometres away from the actual contact line. I am currently in the Bakhmut area. We have 18 women snipers in our battalion, and they are all on duty at the headquarters or in the permanent deployment point — because that’s what the order is. However, they are still exposed to danger. Sometimes, you may find yourself sitting in a basement when an S-300 flies in. The frontline is still the frontline, so claiming that commanders aim to protect someone is hypocritical.

This is hypocritical for several reasons. For example, I am often told that I am too young. At the same time, guys aged 18-19 are being killed. We have a woman, an experienced cartographer, but she holds a soldier’s rank. At the headquarters, instead of doing her job, she deals with paperwork and makes coffee for the commanders. It literally works like in the dumbest stereotype. Situations like this occur daily, and the struggle against such individuals persists every day. It’s important to understand that there are a lot of men working in the headquarters. They genuinely want to serve there — it’s true. All women serve voluntarily, and they are not here for what the army of the current model offers them.

The majority of the Armed Forces consist of infantry units, and my unit is also infantry. When we’re not on the frontline, we call it ‘drying off’, which allows time for both rest and self-education. People engage in training, participate in patrols and combat missions, and then take a break. The headquarters, on the other hand, operates continuously, especially now, when there are a lot of losses and a huge amount of lost property. People work without days off. Therefore, appointing women to headquarters positions is not about caring; rather, it is about distrust and the reluctance of male commanders to accept that women are fully capable of performing the same tasks as they do.

When it comes to the path of women in the military, there are very different stories. It’s not that there are no women on the front lines; they are present. However, to secure a combat position and eventually make it to the front, you need to show the highest performance in training, to impress everyone with your skills. Only then will trust be placed in you.

I had to lie when I was mobilised. When I signed up for the Territorial Defence, it was just a list of volunteers. Initially, I wrote that I was a cadet of the military department. But when I got the call and came to the formation, everything was very chaotic. No one checked anything — neither documents nor phones. They began to give us positions, for example: ‘You are a clerk’. I realised I needed to play the deception card and claim to be an officer. I understood that if I told the truth, I would be like all the other girls without military education: either a clerk, a cook, or a nurse. I was assigned to the position of a rifleman.

It was a Kyiv-based territorial defence, and when the order came that the TDF was now operating nationwide, our unit was relocated from Kyiv to another location. There we were divided again. I recall a certain major reading out surnames, and, for some reason, all the women ended up in positions at the medical unit and field kitchens. I interrupted him and said: ‘On what basis do you have no women in combat positions?’ He replied in a rude manner that he was just reading out the list and didn’t know who was a man and who was a woman. I was not on the list at all. In such a scenario, you either have to remind yourself or go back to where you came from. I chose the second option. I got into the car returning to the deployment point in Kyiv, and we drove away. I probably could have just gone home, but I didn’t want to.

I enlisted in the military unit as an officer, but informed the commander that I was still in the midst of my studies. I took a secondment to my military department, returned, and that was the end of it. I retained my position as a rifleman, which I got by deception.

Only volunteers fought in the spring and summer. During company briefings, we were asked who was willing to go to the front line, and I, along with a few others, raised our hands. But they laughed at me. Later on, I raised my hand on several occasions. I was then dispatched to a battalion situated in the village of Berestove, above Soledar. I spoke to the commander and said that I did not want to sit in the headquarters, and I needed guarantees that I would take part in combat operations. He asked in great detail about my knowledge, skills, and competences. It all sounded like it was some elite unit, and we’ll see if there’s a place for me there. But what happened was that we spent a long time in the rear. Yes, we patrolled, we worked as air defence groups. But I didn’t gain any combat experience.

Everything changed when I managed to transfer to another territorial defence battalion. We found common ground with the company commander, and as a result, he appointed me to the position of squad leader, commander of an infantry fighting vehicle that I studied at the military department. However, when we went to the east, and we are still here, it occurred that the first group left, the second group left, and I remained on patrols under fire, but not in Bakhmut itself. I asked: What’s wrong? And received the answer that the problem was not in me; it just so happened. At the battalion level, the commander asked me who I was and what I was doing here. His first phrase when he saw me was: ‘Who recruited you, fuckheads?’ Further, the chief of staff said that I reminded him of his daughter, who is also about 20 years old, and that I would never go anywhere with this battalion. Now, I am actively seeking another place for a transfer.

My desire to serve in the infantry is driven by the fact that I want to be on the front line. This is what the best of people do; it’s something one cannot help but undertake given the current circumstances. And this is a reality the greater part of society will need to confront. I believe every Ukrainian should undergo such an experience to grasp the context of the future. For instance, the processes of state-building that one can contribute to by working in NGOs, political analytics, civic activism, or journalism; t’s an experience that enables a profound understanding of the majority of people. This is the first reason.

Another reason is that, after our victory, as we join Prides and Feminist marches on March 8th, there will be veterans who will inquire where we were while they were defending our freedom. The thing is, I don’t want my freedom to be achieved at the expense of someone else’s, apart from my own. I also don’t want women in a nation that has endured war to be excluded from public discourse because they were not actively involved. They didn’t participate not because they didn’t want to but because they had no other choice. Because men were the ones who forced them into the headquarters.

Of course, it is possible to benefit the state in other ways. My point is that our predecessors fought for the rights of women to be in the army in the positions that are now available to us, for example, combat medics. Similarly, my mission may be to pave the way for women who will join the Armed Forces after me.

After more than a year of service, I realised that this fight is very important. However, the saddest thing is that with such a mission, it is not enough to be yourself and do a meaningful job. I’m unsure of the origin of this expression, but it is 100% true: a man in the army is considered normal until he proves otherwise, and a woman is considered abnormal until she proves otherwise.

War is the place where you can die or make a significant mistake, not due to incompetence, but merely because luck is not on your side. It’s not an art, a science, or a craft where you can show remarkable results solely through your effort and work. Preparing for the current circumstances, for the horrors that the russians are planning, is impossible. My biggest interest at the moment is to be of service and assistance, not to fight the patriarchy. Which is why I occasionally consider joining the military medical service to be useful where I will not be disturbed. I don’t think I’ve ever felt like this before.

From a legal standpoint, or on paper, women in the army have absolutely the same opportunities to serve as men. Our regulations do not include gender divisions; they treat individuals as combat units. The Ukrainian army is a scaled-down reflection of society because the vast majority are volunteers without prior military experience before the full-scale invasion. Abuse of authority, sexism, and so forth, are not perpetuated solely by those who served in the Soviet army. Instead, these actions are carried out by new officers and soldiers who embrace the system to gain acceptance within it.

I see education as a method of addressing this issue: educating personnel at all levels of the defence sector with a particular emphasis on gender equality. It is also crucial to establish a feedback system, enabling people to report problems like mine. If the command collectively shares these values, advocates for equality, and receives feedback, it will be an effective mechanism for influencing the decisions of individuals.

On the one hand, I don’t want women to go through all that. I wouldn’t wish anyone to experience discrimination or feel unwanted in the army. But I understand that the only way to resist is to become part of the patriarchal structures. The more people with a feminist perspective, women, nonbinary people, those who are discriminated by society, join the army, the quicker and more it will change. This is the only way.

As for creating separate women’s battalions, I think it’s a great idea. Probably, before I joined the Armed Forces, I would have said that it could separate us, create prejudice against women, as if we couldn’t fight alongside men. Now, I would certainly join such a battalion. It would suit me to think about how good I am as a fighter and improve my skills in modern combat systems. Women in the army should focus not on fighting sexism but on fighting the enemy.

Before the full-scale invasion, I often mentioned that you need to be conscious of your privileges. You have to understand that in some societies women don’t have basic rights. However, I’m not a fan of a gradual approach. I believe that any activist agenda should advance in its most contemporary form across all societies. Even in a society where a woman lives dependent on a husband she hasn’t chosen herself.

But now, considering the war, I wish for one thing: for the feminist community, and the world community in general, to comprehend that our struggle is not local. It is not a fight between Ukrainians and some neighbours who look like Ukrainians. No. It is a struggle between freedom and oppression. It is a battle between cannibalistic orders and humanistic values. It is a war waged by a totalitarian society against democracy.

I wouldn’t want people to read this text and think that they should cease supporting us because their donations will go not to me but to some man who said that women have no place at the front. As our victory approaches, so does the freedom of all women. The closer our victory is, the less suffering civilians, especially mothers, will have to endure. The longer this war goes on, the more women who either went to fight, or left Ukraine, or stayed, endangering themselves and their children, will suffer.

This war is a femicide. I want the global community to know that what is happening now concerns all countries, all people. Although, of course, there will never be such a level of perception. Similar to how we were able to not react to conflicts occurring in distant lands in the past. Now, somewhere far away, people are not responding to the ongoing war. But having lived through the experience of war, we develop a stronger sense of solidarity with the victims of conflicts worldwide.

The more people contribute to our victory, send aid, come out to protest, promote the message that Ukraine needs to be supported, Ukraine needs to be armed, Ukraine needs help to defeat russia, in their local communities, at work, in public services, in their home countries, the sooner the suffering of millions of Ukrainian women and girls will end.

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Lviv Vegan Kitchen

27 September 2022
Editor: Bozhena Makovska
Translator: Maryna Isaieva
Photographer: Michael Tulsky

Lviv Vegan Kitchen is a volunteer project that provides free vegan food to IDPs and the army in Ukraine. You can support them by using these requisites or on Patreon.

Oksana: We are sisters named Marta and Oksana. Before the full-scale military invasion of russia, we ran a small business managing a shop with handmade jewellery in Lviv. We were studying, trying something new, dreaming about something. With the beginning of the invasion, we lost our jobs and started volunteering. At first, it was chaotic: we made soups, visited lonely elderly people, and wove camouflage nets for the army. On the night of 1st March, we came up with the idea to create a Lviv Vegan Kitchen.

That night we went to volunteer at the rail station where the refugees were arriving. There was plenty of food at the station but nothing vegan. Apart from us, there were other vegans among the volunteers and all of us ate cereal bars the whole night. The next morning we went to our friends at the Vega Room cafe to talk about the idea of ​​creating a volunteer kitchen. On the way there we met a friend who is also a vegan. She and her boyfriend were in The Territorial Defence Forces at the time, and she told us that she hadn’t eaten anything for days because their pasta was mixed with meat. At that moment, we realised that there was definitely a demand for such a project.

Marta: We have been vegans since 2017 and we already had an experience of activism: we took part in various street actions from time to time, carried out thematic film screenings, and translated the film. There are few vegans in Lviv, so everyone knows everyone. Instead of closing the cafe, friends from Vega Room rented us their kitchen, and we started working with everything we needed. Therefore, without contacts in the vegan community, probably nothing would have happened, or it would have been on a completely different scale.

Now Oksana and I are engaged in communications, fundraising, and sending parcels. At first, we were also involved in the work of the kitchen, meaning we did everything. Then many volunteers joined, most of whom are internally displaced people, and now the kitchen team works in shifts. In essence, we have two areas of work: kitchen and food parcels. In addition, we are setting up our own production of bars, and we have plans to make complete vegan dry rations.

Oksana: In Ukraine, there is still a widespread stereotype that vegans are some kind of hipsters, and veganism is a fashion trend. The thing is that the vegans are mostly young people and certain communities that are not represented in the authorities or the health care system. Therefore, the standard food model is preferred. It’s unfortunate, but hunger has forced people to try vegan food. They sign up for all possible help. Sometimes, I call back on a request for a parcel that was left a month ago, and they tell me that we are the first to respond during that time.

Marta: There have been a lot of requests for humanitarian parcels and we have closed the application form for new ones at the moment. We can send about 40 parcels a week, and we have 6200 applications. For all time of this initiative, we have sent more than 800 parcels of food, of which about 50 were to the military, all the rest to civilians.

Providing the military with vegan food currently rests entirely on the shoulders of their families and volunteers.

Sometimes it’s impossible to organise the shipment at all if neither the car nor the mail can reach the location of the military. We do not know the number of vegans in the Ukrainian army, and there is no way for us to somehow interview everyone.

Moreover, not everyone is ready to openly talk about their position, especially women, who already have a hard time in the army because they are women.

We have friends in the Armed Forces and the National Guard who face sexism, and in general, the treatment of women there is terrible. No one wants to be bullied twice even for being vegan. People go vegan for a variety of reasons: some people do it for health, and they are ok with putting their healthy eating routine on pause; and there are people who do it for ethical reasons, and they would rather die than eat meat.

Oksana: I thought that there would be different kitchens, and different humanitarian headquarters and our kitchen would be aimed specifically at vegans who cannot eat elsewhere. But time passed, the headquarters stopped working, humanitarian aid was declining, and now people do not have this choice. It seems to me that in the beginning, people were more active in donating products, it was easier to transport them across the border, and when it came to the point that this activity had to be somehow structured and formalised, not everyone had the strength to do it, and enthusiasm gradually subsided.

So over time, we stopped being a vegan option, now we are just a kitchen for refugees.

Marta: Obviously, we are ready to provide food for everyone. I have never seen what we do as a promotion of veganism. I believe that now is not the time for vegan agitation. For me, veganism is the base, and then I focus on people. Many people from Western countries write to us: “Nobody is doing as much to promote veganism as you are.” Maybe we do, but it was not our intention. Now the situation is even worse than at the beginning of the invasion: people continue to arrive in Lviv, but the tents at the station are no longer waiting for them.

Marta: We are mostly supported by Western vegan communities. Sometimes there are donations from Ukraine, but they are very chaotic. Help comes in different formats: media publications, and targeted help from vegan food manufacturers and brands who send us a carload of beans or soybean meal. Also, there is a small shop in Great Britain that makes sunflowers out of glass, sells them, and sends all the money earned from it to our kitchen. There are organisations and people who support us all the time, such as Vegconomist and Lush. Someone subscribes to our Patreon, someone makes a one-time donation to PayPal. Any help is important, even reposts. For example, the owner of the vegan brand “Tofurkey “ sent us 5 packs of vitamins and we were able to close 5 requests for those vitamins.

It is not necessary to provide us with the whole truck of supplies to make help significant.

There is a list of products that we always need in the kitchen, but the needs are constantly changing. Therefore, before buying products, it is better to ask us what is currently missing. This will allow us to make food parcels more diverse and not overload the warehouse. Money is always needed: we pay for kitchen rent, utilities, warehouse rent, security, and garbage removal. All together it costs about $1,600 a month. This is a big burden for a volunteer project, especially on our scale. Sometimes we feed 500 people a day.

Oksana: There is also a need for volunteers. If someone from the team gets sick, it will be noticeable as there will be no one to replace them. Now there is no such thing as volunteer chat where people ask to give them some kind of work or ask where they can volunteer, everyone is tired. Even if 3 million hryvnias or 30 trucks with products fell onto us now, and we had the opportunity to close all requests, it would take 100 days! 100 days of continuous packing of parcels.

Marta: If it turns out that there will no longer be a need for the existence of a kitchen, we will be able to develop dry rations, or focus more efforts on delivery, and faster processing of requests. In any case, we will have something to do and someone to help. After the start of the full-scale war, my priorities changed. Now I think that there is nothing more important than helping others and that’s why I feel in my place.

Oksana: With all the support we received, I would not like for the project to end just like that. I would like it to continue and develop in other directions, at least at minimal speed.

We would like to give back to the world as much as we have received.

There are many categories of the population whose circumstances were poor even before the war. Yes, it will be much more difficult to solve these problems, but I hope that our enthusiasm, resources, as well as experience and contacts that we have now acquired, will be enough to do that.

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